January 23, 1982 Season 7 episode
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| Episode | 128 |
| Season Episode | 9 |
| Host | Robert Conrad |
| Musical Guest(s) | The Allman Brothers Band |
| Song(s) performed by Musical Guest(s) |
"Midnight Rider" "Southbound" "One Way Out'" |
| Previous Episode December 12, 1981 |
Next Episode January 30, 1982 |
The 9th episode of Season 7 and the 128th episode of Saturday Night Live premiered on January 23, 1982, and was hosted by the film and television actor, singer, and stuntman Robert Conrad with musical guests The Allman Brothers Band.
This was Robert Conrad's only time hosting, and the Allman Brothers Band made their only musical guest appearance on SNL.
Cast[]
Repertory[]
Featured[]
Sketches[]
Cold Open Sketch Pre-recorded Weekend Update Music Performance Other
| Title | Image | Summary |
|---|---|---|
| The People's Court | Plaintiff Paulette Clooney (Robin Duke) sues Velvet Jones (Eddie Murphy) because she failed to make any money after following his instructions in "I Wanna Be A Ho". Judge Joseph Wapner (Robert Conrad) rules in favor of Jones and explains the plaintiff wouldn't have benefited from the course because "she's a pig". | |
| Opening montage | Mel Brandt returns as announcer after being absent for the two previous episodes. He would remain as announcer until the end of the season. | |
| Talent Entrance | ||
| In the News | Joe Piscopo narrates a quick summary of the many marriages of Elizabeth Taylor. | |
| Wild Wild Wild West | Abraham Lincoln (Tony Rosato) asks Jim West (Robert Conrad) and Artemis Gordon (Joe Piscopo) to track down Ulysses Grant (Tim Kazurinsky) to find out what he drinks that helps him win the war. Their main obstacle is that he's being held captive at Velvet Jones' brothel, and Jones and his harem of mind-controlled hos stand between them and Grant. | |
| The Allman Brothers Band performs "Midnight Rider" | ||
| Babies in Makeup by Ed Bianchi | The Doors' version of "Alabama Song" plays over shots of babies wearing makeup and costumes. | |
| Overexposed Characters | Velvet Jones announces that he will no longer be appearing on SNL because he has died of overexposure and introduces another character that succumbed to the same fate, Paulie Herman (Joe Piscopo). | |
| Newsbreak Preview | Mary Gross shows an exclusive preview of a movie based on the trial of Jack Henry Abbott, in which Abbott (Robert Conrad) is cross-examined by attorney Lou Costello (Tony Rosato). | |
| SNL Newsbreak | A lot of the jokes were pretty dumb, particularly the punchline to the joke about the last disco, and the tag to the decent but overextended Solidarnosc part. Doyle-Murray's final joke about Chinese New Year also died. Piscopo seems to be looking into the wrong camera at times, but he did have a funny segment about the Superbowl; topping last year's electric football game demonstration, he uses two different video game systems (Atari and Intellivision) to predict the winner. The weather segment with Ebersole not understanding windchill was pretty weak as usual. | |
| Battle of the Week | Vic Salukin (Tony Rosato) hosts a competition between three Las Vegas showgirls (Robin Duke, Mary Gross, Christine Ebersole) and three members of the U.S. Volunteer Army (Robert Conrad, Eddie Murphy, Tim Kazurinsky). | |
| A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney | Andy Rooney (Joe Piscopo) has some thoughts about breasts. | |
| The Allman Brothers performs "Southbound" | ||
| Next Week | Joe Piscopo announces upcoming guests. | |
| The Nixon Mansion | A fascistic G. Gordon Liddy (Robert Conrad) pays a visit to the Nixon mansion to tell the disgraced former president (Tony Rosato) that his misdeeds only were what other great men did before him, particularly Franklin Delano Roosevelt (Tim Kazurinsky). | |
| Sister | Christine Ebersole's mousy sister Nancy Sue Ebersole (actually played by Christine herself) demonstrates her marginal talent as onscreen text explains why she's been given time on the show. | |
| The Allman Brothers Band performs "One Way Out'" | ||
| Goodnights | Robert Conrad says, "From the cast of Saturday Night Live, from the great Allman Brothers Band and to you, Saturday Night Live". No closing voiceover from Mel Brandt tonight; this likely means that the studio feed cut out early when originally aired. |
| Preceded by: December 12, 1981 |
Saturday Night Live episode | Followed by: January 30, 1982 |