Saturday Night Live Wiki

Anthony Crispino is a recurring character on Saturday Night Live played by Bobby Moynihan. He serves as Weekend Update's second-hand news reporter who speaks with a New Jersey accent and usually wrinkles his nose while talking. He is a regular suburban Italian-American guy, presumably from New Jersey, who repeats news from unreliable sources, like his cousins and friends, who usually have comical names like "Hooker Jane" and "Disaster Greg." Crispino's badly reported news always consists of humorous malapropisms.

Some of Anthony Crispino's badly reported news include:

  • Incorrectly stated that "Arkansas Governor Huckleberry Hound" was unhappy that "she made a baby out of dreadlocks," referring to Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee expressing dissent over her having a baby out of wedlock from Natalie Portman's Oscar win for her role in Black Swan. He further mistook her film Black Swan for "Black Tron," referring to the 2010 film Tron: Legacy, starring "Todd Bridges," mistaken for actor Jeff Bridges.
  • Incorrectly shouted "We did it! We finally killed Oksana Baiul! UFO! UFO! UFO!" from Osama bin Laden's death when intending to cheer the acronym for United States of America (USA).
  • Saying that football player Brett Favre is retarded, instead of retired, and insiting that Favre goes back and forth from being retarded, to not being retarded, then later points out "...if he's not retarded, then why'd he take a picture of his ding-a-ling?."
  • Mistakenly says "he finally divorced Ellen DeGeneres (Elin Nordegren)....that was never going to work, 'cause, you know, she's Lebanese (lesbian)" from Tiger Woods' divorce.
  • Incorrectly states Prince (Prince William) married Kate Gosselin (Kate Middleton) from the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton in 2011. He then says "that's why everybody was so upset that he didn't invite Fergie."
  • Claims that the Protestants (protesters) are trying to occupy Walgreens (Wall Street) because they want 99% off from Occupy Wall Street.